"Thank you For the Cross" -----Christmas

I love Christmas! No, I really love Christmas!

Jesus died for you and me

Jesus died and rose again

God so loved the world and Gave his ONLY son to die for us...( just think if you had a son or daughter, would you let that daughter die for this cruel,lonely, hurtful, sinful world)--would you?

Its funny because I ask myself that and I honestly come into tears because I dont know what I would do. I think about the hurtful, Horrible, atrocious things/acts/people/events etc in this world and I just dont know if i would let my child die for it...But God did it for you and me, he sent his only son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for you and me. Jesus was beaten, spit on, rejected, nailed, betrayed, abandoned, and HE ( JESUS CHRIST) still died for me and you. I can never comprehend his love, and its something that I try to. I want to love like christ, but i know my love is a mustard seed compared to his love and grace for me. 

We all have heard this, christmas is not about the presents..--unfortunately that what this world/century cares and focuses on christ. The true meaning behind christ is tossed around carelessly and is umimportant. I refuse to let christmas to be another holiday where i can put on a few pounds, anticipate gifts, "saying merry christmas" because its christmas. Christmas season is the season where we give like Jesus, love like Jesus, Forgive like Jesus, spread the love and word of Jesus christ, minister, save lives, start new lives, give your heart to christ, and enjoying his blessings.. I am not saying, Christmas is the only holiday is the season to finally talk to Jesus. But is the season to double/triple/quadruple everything. Its the season to look inside yourself and ask if the life you are living is the life that Jesus---who died for you wants for you?

Christmas

red

green

blue

yellow

love

kisses

babies

toys

new relationships

jobs

family

friends

gifts

money

clothes/shoes-personal fav

JESUS--my actual personal FAV :)

chocolate

I pray that God deepens your love for Him and blesses you and your family this holiday season.

Happy Holidays

Cafe Negro

Black, brown, purple, whatever the color you want to give Cocoa beans is up to you....
     Oh yes! Thank ya Jesus! I finally get to smell coffee all the time now. I finally got a job at one of my favorite place! Starbucks! I am so excited, and above all thankful that I get to work there---its funny because its not what i want to do for the rest of my life, but its just a place that I love. Starbucks just brings back memories of me studying, reading the bible, Europe, meeting new people. Seriously that place is awesome, and I am so happy i get to meet new people everyday and make them coffee....I am looking forward to this awesome.
I am glad new things are happening---because its time. as life progresses, people change and so do people lives.
I def give Thanks to the Most high for the constant people in my life. I am forever thankful!.
So if you are ever bored and want coffe, or want come to write, chill, have some alone time, study, go on a date...just come on to Starbucks.( Texas and Holleman).....Thats where i will be at.

Adios 2011!

When I love..I love like Crazy. I love as hard as I can because i know tomorrow is not promised. Everyday is a gift..right? only if we only knew that. We take each day so granted, saying ill do this tomorrow, later..But what happens when that tomorrow doesnt come??--stupid question right? because we all know what happens. Nothing. your life is kaboom! pufff! Gone. So exactly what, who, why are we living for? what is exactly is mine/your mission in life or this world.

Again, we all know 2011 is coming to an end. S/O to 2011 one time though!.lots of good things happen, and lots of bad. Hell thats any year. I dont know anyone can have 365 days of just complete happiness and no sorrow...if its possible for anyone..I want to know how? I honeslty could use a new method in my life or something.

In 2011 I leaned so much! I know now there are somethings that you have to let go, even if its something that you love and care about so much. The old me would have fought for people, tried everything there is to try to make things better, but honeslty the new is me is like Fuck it, a person can only try so much to be in someones life, to be the best person they can be, but if the other person is acting like a total snob, why  beg? In life we only fool ourselves, no one else.. Eventually peoples true personalities, feelings, emotion manifests some way are another. Shame huh? Honestly would have been better.

Honestly do women need men to be happy? Seriously?! why does when we meet a guy.or dating a guy we devote all our attention and affection to them? like WTF? men don't run our feelings--?--sad to say for many women yes. Us women are so vulnerable and we all want the same thing in life....Love!- don't deny it!. who the hell wants to be hated anyway right?. We do anything for Love...not to say men wont..but still. why do we let ourselves get carried away with having boyfriends and girlfriends that we neglect our other obligations, responsibilities, and relationships? why is it okay for things to be put on hold? so you can be happy!--well go ahead but please hold it together!

24 hours ( you know that feeling)

you know that feeling….

the feeling of knowing that in 24 hours and exactly the same time you usually see them again…all you need is 24 hours to pass and you see them again…now what do you do in that 24 hours? daydream about them. write a letter to them..that you eventually have to redo..and eventually throw away in the trash… oh that feeling that makes your day and ruins your day…sucks because you cant have it both ways….

You know that feeling of when they talk to you and all you could is wish the talk never ends..because you don't want the moment to end.. 

The feeling of knowing that this going to end anytime…anytime the prof walks in..or its time to go class… or time for him to go. He leave you leave..and you go back to that terrible/exciting feeling of waiting for another 24 hours…. 

what do you do in that 24 hours???-------

the feeling of knowing that this is never going to be….the feeling of finding yourself hating him for not doing what you want him to do..but he doesn't have the minumun idea of what you are thinking… or does he?…So who do you  blame for not going the way YOU want it to go..God? Him? her? or the other unknown person. wait? is there unknown person… 

ha there we go again….24 hours passed..and thats all you did.. you thought about them and wondered if they did the same…or even just a little bit…So my question is when does one stop….when does one stop to slowly peel their heart away..when does one stop…stop what? exactly..thats something one cant stop….well at least thats what personally i think, Feel free to agree and disagree at the same time..

Ha. 24 hours lingers around my head like a cloud full love/confusions/patience….

patiently waiting for the cloud to make it up its mind. it can choose to rain, disappear or manifest itself in simplest form…..

24 hours….

24 hours is slowly turning into 4 hours and and in 2 hours…and just when I about tot reach 0 hours…It happens all over again and 24 hours starts again….

Such is life. 

Take my Thoughts to Serious...you'll probably love me.

Okay pause.. your life is so busy huh, so busy you cant pick up the phone and call your "friend" or you brother or that person you care "soo much about".. I hear these words alot, and sometimes i say them myself" lets hang out soon', " i call you later"? and bam it never happens, why do we say this. why do we lie to ourselves and the people we "care about:. Now you tell me how exactly does a friendship work out if one person is always trying to hangout, or spend time with that person or calling, texting.....that person is always going to contact a person who doesn't respond, but he/she can swear up and down that they are really good friends. Sounds like a lie to me...doesn't it?  We all know this A relationship is two way street...this my friend does not exclude friendships.  Honestly world..be honest to yourself.  A relationship is not always updating your "friend"about your life...a friend is suppose to be there at all times, friendships dont a get a vacation....because sometimes your break may way too long and when you get back it might just be too late.. A friendship is not a book you read( a bad book)... you cant just use/talk/be a friend to someone and whenever you feel like it. I mean come on world..get a grip. Good friends are hard to find, som when you find one ..grab on to it.. dont abuse them, dont read them and put them down.. dont...dont.. just dont except them to be there for you when your life is not the way is going. your friends also have feelings too, they are human, they hurt, cry, scream.....and love hard as you..--sometimes too much because they still give a damn about yo punk ass!...

Not as strong as Mother Teresa

Mother teresa was and still is one of the most famous humanitarian of all time.. well at least in my eyes. I dont know much about her life, but the little I know I love and admire...

This weekend i was strolling on twitter..--yes I have a twitter. It gives me something to when I am bored, so anyways on twitter i fallow alot of hippish things, like life and insipirational quotes, fight for women, etc...I just fallow something that has to do with love and saving the world----:). I stumbled on one of mother teresa quote---I definately wondered if mother teresa has a twitter...Maybe her spirit does. Okay back to what i was saying there is a quote that Mother Teresa says "God doesnt put in you/me//us in situation that we cant handle... I just wish he didnt trust me as much. That quote spoke to me like willy wonka chocolate parade---no such thing, i just love chocolate beyond belief. You know sometimes i think that too..that God doesn't put us in situation that we cant handle---and i think..is it this way I am suppose to be handling it. aren't i suppose to be stronger, like pick up my cojonez and go on with life..Ha. Only if life was that easy. There are just times that I am upset at God for putting in me situations that I think i cant handle...or I dont want to handle..but sure enough I am in them and I am wrestling, sweating, and puffing to survive or learn something.  When things are not resolved quickly i get this anger, and sadness. I know that He puts me in situations I cant handle..but sometimes I honestly think its too much....but he knows  best. God is always working in our lives mysteriously, either he is molding our Hot Hunk of man somewhere....somewhere close by, creating new adventures in the future, anything..God is always doing something awesome in our lives, sometimes we catch it, sometimes we dont..but i know one thing..GIVE THANKS TO HE LORD ALWAYS.  If you take a deep breath....(see that was a gift), if you take a deep breath and sit around and dwell in the presence of the Holy One you will see the goodness that he is doing in your life. I realized just because that one thing  you want to work out..at this precise moment its not working out does not mean..other good things are not happening in your life...or it does not mean joy wont come in the morning....

Hold on tighter..have a little more faith..Trust a lil more..

as life gets easier, its gets harder at the same time...but with faith nothing is impossible. 

Trust!

I can only hope that i don't fail you. I only hope i don't get caught and twisted in my dreams and forget to snap back to reality. Its hasnt even been two weeks and I praying for you  like I have been praying for you forever. You bring change me. Change that I always wanted to feel, change i always wanted to be. Your smile soothes the pain I carry. I hope you become this person you always wanted to be...more importantly the life Gods wants for you. Your presence is a blessing and I cherish it every second. For a moment I could see my life in yours. the sad thing about is that I have no idea where  you see yours...where you thought you saw yours...

My heart and mind were in unison...until you showed up. Funny how things works. So now my heart and mind are fighting on what to do with all this feelings and emotions....first thought" I should just be angry at God for putting me in this position" Second thought" Girl you crazy...God is too real and just be patient and not take matters into your own hands"....Something my heart and mind is not good at. Why do things happen when we at least expect them too....could it be that we weren't expecting anything and thats why it happened..or we were suppose to expect something so that it didn't happen. Tricky question I know, but what good does it to  us to expect something if its not going to come when we want it...aren't we than setting ourselves for failure? But wait it a minute...is there something that is called  TRUST!......oh that word....right......If we do that..TRUST......

Trust in the lord and lead not into your own understanding......

Its hard I know....but is either we do that..or drive ourselves crazy! 

God is Love!

Doubt...good or bad.???

There is this overwhelming amount fear clouding over my head, clouding my eyes. I hate it. This year brings doubt. confusion...and perhaps the first steps to depression. I pause for a moment. Just what are those steps. I am still trying to figure out. Sometimes in life with doubt comes confusion or for some of mistakes and regrets.. do you see where this is going. Don't get it twisted, doubt doesnt always lead to negative things. Doubt also leads to freedom. why? ask yourself why doubt may lead into peace. self satisfaction. Sometimes in life we doubt the things. people, and situations  because we sense a bad vibe....so would that be good doubt?. In life however we sometimes doubt the wrong things....like Love for example. We doubt the ones who truly love us and when figure it out...its sometimes too late. We doubt ourselves when it comes to taking chances..well you get my point right..............Doubt it either can help us or lead us into more doubting...which leads to confusion..which leads into regrets...

Crazy Love!

Crazy Love!
Thats the title of the book that I have been reading. Since, I started college I haven't had much time to read the books I like. I mean don't get me wrong, I enjoy reading my psychology textbooks, but they aren't book  I would pick from a bookshelf!--for one they are too thick!
 I think they should say" don't judge a book by its cover, but by its thickness-- and the size of its font".

Who knew a small, simple book can change a person thinking perspective? even a life? I am not here to say that "Crazy love" has changed my life completely. I can that  crazy love is chaining my life super Significantly... can i say "super significantly? ". -----To be cont.....

I want to want----

Change.
Change is something I should be used to by now. It just seems all my life,  I had to adjust to change.
I am having trouble accepting change. I mean change is what I wanted.
I fing it hard to believe that my roommate have graduated and left to start a new life.
I find it hard it to believe that I am senior.
Honestly why do I feel the way i do? Its not like I didn't know that this was going to happen.
    Ha!- I guess things don't actually become a reality until they happen right?  I cant be the only person that feels and thinks this way.
Change!
At this moment change is not working for me.  I want my roommates back. I want the feeling of abandonment gone. I want the feeling of change to seem easy and effortless. I want to not feel like I did want the change to happen. I want to want to accept the changes that are happening in my life.
 Do I really have a choice?

I wish---

I wish I could feel the pain in your eyes, but that may be to much for the both us.
I wish I could tell you that tomorrow is going to be okay--unfortunately tomorrow is not promised.
I wish I could tell you why is this happening to you---I then think why not?
I wish I could change the past, but I we wouldn't be the same today, or would we?
I wish I could promise you more happiness--but who am I promise to the future?! God?
I wish I could be there with you every second of the way--but every second sounds like I would be a creep!
I wish I could  heal your pain--but I am too busy healing mine..


I wish you knew how much I loved you--I have a feeling that you already know..

If tomorrow comes---than it will just be the best of our lives.!